Ah Ha

Have you ever experienced an “Ah Ha” moment? This past week I was in a 3 day conference for work. We had normal sessions on Tuesday and Thursday, but Wednesday was an all day special guest. She was going to teach us about how to be fully engaged. I already had my doubts when I read the cover sheet with the title “You: Fully Engaged!” The title looked so happy and me leaning towards my cynicism that morning, no coffee in hand, I folded arms and said prove it.

The first question was share a story about a time when you were fully engaged in your work and you felt alive! I sat in the maroon office chair pen in hand, totally stumped. I slumped lower into my chair and started to click my pen. Click, click, click. Our session leader looked up and said, “5 minutes.” And then went back to working on her laptop. I could’ve easily made up some story, but by this point I am starting to feel panicked; I have no story. And then I think, oh crap. Have I never been fully engaged in what I do?

This question swirled around in my head for literally 8 hours. At the end of the session I announced to my co-workers, “Um I don’t think I have ever been engaged in what I do.” I could feel stares come from across the room. Tears were in my eyes and clogged up my throat. The click of my pen started again. Click, click, click.

After digesting my day, I thought to myself, well what does fully engaged really mean? I am still pondering this question even today. Does it mean different things to different people, with different beliefs or values?

This question is definitely going on the chalkboard of 2010. I knew 2010 was going to throw a curve ball at me, just didn’t think it was going to happen so soon.

As we go through this thing called life, I will just remember what Charlie Brown once said, “In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.”