Seeing Clearly

Today I fully appreciated the invention of contacts. Don’t get me wrong, I have always enjoyed the luxurious of not constantly wearing glasses and being able to play sports without safety goggles.

Last week I had a somewhat stressful week and by the end of it my body decided to express that stress with creating a large red zit like dot on my left eye lid. At first I thought it was from not taking my make up off before I went to bed. I can hear my mother’s voice now, “Did you wash your face? Did you use eye makeup remover? Have you changed your pillow case recently?” You know all the things moms usually like to cover as they interrogate you, but of course it’s all out of love.

This red bump continued to grow over the weekend and didn’t get any better during the course of the week. I wore only mascara and my glasses all week, basically that equals me to look like death. I am telling you eye liner does a lot for my blue eyes! After the week of glasses, I called the doctor to have him check it out and see if he could give me some sort of cream to make it go away. Little did I know that there was no cream, just a needle and hydrogen peroxide. Ouch!

As I talked with the doctor, he was looking closely at the bump. He leaned forward and said, “Well, it’s not a sty like you though. I think it’s a cyst.” He said he would have his nurse prep a needle and gauze to pop it open. I let out a huge breath and said, “Okay.”

Lying on the table with my eyes closed the doctor said, “It will be a small pinch and then we will see what comes out.” I thought great let me just lay here and let ooze fall out of my eyelid. Good times. As I could feel the liquid slowly coming out, I heard the doctor say that it wasn’t a cyst either, “This has too much puss to be a cyst. It’s an abscess. We will have to send the cultures into the lab.” He continued to let it drain and then decided to help out the little abscess by basically pushing on my eyeball enough for both of my eyes to tear up and for me to clench my teeth.

“Okay all done, that wasn’t so bad right?” the doctor said with a smile. I sat up and looked at him through the tears of my eyes and blurred vision and said right. Let out yet another sigh and grabbed my purple framed glasses.

As I drove home my eye started to ache. And then ears and the bridge of my nose from wearing glasses for a week, I haven’t built up stamina for wearing glasses. You need stamina; my dad has worn glasses the majority of his life and has a permanent dent on his nose. Now that’s dedication!

Ah Ha

Have you ever experienced an “Ah Ha” moment? This past week I was in a 3 day conference for work. We had normal sessions on Tuesday and Thursday, but Wednesday was an all day special guest. She was going to teach us about how to be fully engaged. I already had my doubts when I read the cover sheet with the title “You: Fully Engaged!” The title looked so happy and me leaning towards my cynicism that morning, no coffee in hand, I folded arms and said prove it.

The first question was share a story about a time when you were fully engaged in your work and you felt alive! I sat in the maroon office chair pen in hand, totally stumped. I slumped lower into my chair and started to click my pen. Click, click, click. Our session leader looked up and said, “5 minutes.” And then went back to working on her laptop. I could’ve easily made up some story, but by this point I am starting to feel panicked; I have no story. And then I think, oh crap. Have I never been fully engaged in what I do?

This question swirled around in my head for literally 8 hours. At the end of the session I announced to my co-workers, “Um I don’t think I have ever been engaged in what I do.” I could feel stares come from across the room. Tears were in my eyes and clogged up my throat. The click of my pen started again. Click, click, click.

After digesting my day, I thought to myself, well what does fully engaged really mean? I am still pondering this question even today. Does it mean different things to different people, with different beliefs or values?

This question is definitely going on the chalkboard of 2010. I knew 2010 was going to throw a curve ball at me, just didn’t think it was going to happen so soon.

As we go through this thing called life, I will just remember what Charlie Brown once said, “In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.”

Case of the Mondays

As my husband and I pulled into the parking lot of our employment, I couldn't remember what day it was. I had come home for lunch and then we grabbed some coffee before heading back to work, holding my warm coffee in my hands I looked at my husband and said, "Is it still Monday?" He smiled and said, "Yes, it is." It was only 2pm and I was exhausted.

It's interesting when a day drags on for a long time, I tend to think about my friends and family and wonder how their days are going. Did my Mom have a long day with her 3rd graders? Well I guess you can answer that question as yes almost everyday! Did my best friend work another 10 hour day at the state capital? And did my brother sit in traffic on the freeway for 2 hours or 3 today?

Days like these make me want to escape, via movie or book. It usually ends up being via movie or TV show. Mondays are going to make my baby steps towards my new year goals even babier. Mondays you will not defeat me...okay maybe you did this week, but not next.

I told ya baby steps...

So on my last post I mention writing and updating my blog more often...did I mention baby steps? You know when you get to the end of a week and you are oh so thankful that's it Friday!? Not the typical TGIF, but the holy crap that was a long week and I want to bury myself in my fuzzy blanket and not come out until next month sort of week. That's what I had and I had the best intentions of posting once a day.

I mentioned a fuzzy blanket, well I bought THE best blanket ever a few weeks ago. I first discovered such blanket at my parents house when I was visiting for the holidays. It was creme colored and so soft yet so fuzzy, I totally turned into Linus that week; dragging that blanket around with me everywhere. Each night I would take it to bed with me and cuddle it right around my face, it was the best! I thought for sure my mom, being the awesome mom that she is would just give it to me by the time I had to leave, but instead told me where I could buy one. Oh well I tried.

After a few nights blanketless, I broke down went to Macys and bought myself THE blanket. I named him Grover. He is obviously blue and fuzzy...ya know like Grover. He has been with me everynight and for the first time I think my husband was a little jealous, especially when I kept referring to the blanket as a he or a him.

It has been rainy, gray and cloudy and I love it. Grover and I both love it. Just call me Linus!!

2010

2010, a completely brand new year. The new year always makes a stir in my life, not necessarily making resolutions like, "I'm gonna diet!" But making plans for a brand new year, making goals. How will I better my life and lives around me?

A new year is like a fresh start, the chalkboard is completely blank. I know the term usually used is, "your slate is clean," but the visual of a black chalkboard with fresh chalk sitting in the chalk holder just waiting for me to grab and start writing, dreaming, doodling...anything!!



2010 is my chalkboard. I feel fortunate that I can have a new year and welcome this new year healthy and happy. This year I want to change. I want to be less selfish, be a little more green and take care of myself and my community.

Of course baby steps is my motto through this new process. I say that too, because I don't want to start a process and not finish it. It's taking the little things of your day and making it better. Remember to bring my tote bags to the grocery store or getting up in the morning and taking some time to breathe, think and relax before your work day starts.

I will try to blog more as well, you could even say keep writing on my chalkboard throughout my baby steps process. We will see what I learn, what I experience and how I feel by 2011.

Here's to you 2010, it's going to be a great year!!