Ah Ha

Have you ever experienced an “Ah Ha” moment? This past week I was in a 3 day conference for work. We had normal sessions on Tuesday and Thursday, but Wednesday was an all day special guest. She was going to teach us about how to be fully engaged. I already had my doubts when I read the cover sheet with the title “You: Fully Engaged!” The title looked so happy and me leaning towards my cynicism that morning, no coffee in hand, I folded arms and said prove it.

The first question was share a story about a time when you were fully engaged in your work and you felt alive! I sat in the maroon office chair pen in hand, totally stumped. I slumped lower into my chair and started to click my pen. Click, click, click. Our session leader looked up and said, “5 minutes.” And then went back to working on her laptop. I could’ve easily made up some story, but by this point I am starting to feel panicked; I have no story. And then I think, oh crap. Have I never been fully engaged in what I do?

This question swirled around in my head for literally 8 hours. At the end of the session I announced to my co-workers, “Um I don’t think I have ever been engaged in what I do.” I could feel stares come from across the room. Tears were in my eyes and clogged up my throat. The click of my pen started again. Click, click, click.

After digesting my day, I thought to myself, well what does fully engaged really mean? I am still pondering this question even today. Does it mean different things to different people, with different beliefs or values?

This question is definitely going on the chalkboard of 2010. I knew 2010 was going to throw a curve ball at me, just didn’t think it was going to happen so soon.

As we go through this thing called life, I will just remember what Charlie Brown once said, “In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.”

Case of the Mondays

As my husband and I pulled into the parking lot of our employment, I couldn't remember what day it was. I had come home for lunch and then we grabbed some coffee before heading back to work, holding my warm coffee in my hands I looked at my husband and said, "Is it still Monday?" He smiled and said, "Yes, it is." It was only 2pm and I was exhausted.

It's interesting when a day drags on for a long time, I tend to think about my friends and family and wonder how their days are going. Did my Mom have a long day with her 3rd graders? Well I guess you can answer that question as yes almost everyday! Did my best friend work another 10 hour day at the state capital? And did my brother sit in traffic on the freeway for 2 hours or 3 today?

Days like these make me want to escape, via movie or book. It usually ends up being via movie or TV show. Mondays are going to make my baby steps towards my new year goals even babier. Mondays you will not defeat me...okay maybe you did this week, but not next.

I told ya baby steps...

So on my last post I mention writing and updating my blog more often...did I mention baby steps? You know when you get to the end of a week and you are oh so thankful that's it Friday!? Not the typical TGIF, but the holy crap that was a long week and I want to bury myself in my fuzzy blanket and not come out until next month sort of week. That's what I had and I had the best intentions of posting once a day.

I mentioned a fuzzy blanket, well I bought THE best blanket ever a few weeks ago. I first discovered such blanket at my parents house when I was visiting for the holidays. It was creme colored and so soft yet so fuzzy, I totally turned into Linus that week; dragging that blanket around with me everywhere. Each night I would take it to bed with me and cuddle it right around my face, it was the best! I thought for sure my mom, being the awesome mom that she is would just give it to me by the time I had to leave, but instead told me where I could buy one. Oh well I tried.

After a few nights blanketless, I broke down went to Macys and bought myself THE blanket. I named him Grover. He is obviously blue and fuzzy...ya know like Grover. He has been with me everynight and for the first time I think my husband was a little jealous, especially when I kept referring to the blanket as a he or a him.

It has been rainy, gray and cloudy and I love it. Grover and I both love it. Just call me Linus!!

2010

2010, a completely brand new year. The new year always makes a stir in my life, not necessarily making resolutions like, "I'm gonna diet!" But making plans for a brand new year, making goals. How will I better my life and lives around me?

A new year is like a fresh start, the chalkboard is completely blank. I know the term usually used is, "your slate is clean," but the visual of a black chalkboard with fresh chalk sitting in the chalk holder just waiting for me to grab and start writing, dreaming, doodling...anything!!



2010 is my chalkboard. I feel fortunate that I can have a new year and welcome this new year healthy and happy. This year I want to change. I want to be less selfish, be a little more green and take care of myself and my community.

Of course baby steps is my motto through this new process. I say that too, because I don't want to start a process and not finish it. It's taking the little things of your day and making it better. Remember to bring my tote bags to the grocery store or getting up in the morning and taking some time to breathe, think and relax before your work day starts.

I will try to blog more as well, you could even say keep writing on my chalkboard throughout my baby steps process. We will see what I learn, what I experience and how I feel by 2011.

Here's to you 2010, it's going to be a great year!!

Fall is my absolute favorite season. There's something about the leaves turning colors, the crisp blue air and of course the pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks.

Yesterday I traveled to the pumpkin patch and I realized I haven't been to a pumpkins patch since I was a kid. My husband and I wondered through the fields of pumpkins, picking up some and examining them trying to find that perfect pumpkin to carve. This pumpkin patch was no ordinary "patch" it had hay rides, train rides, corn maze, petting zoo and many things for kids to climb, jump and slide on. It was like a one stop shop for family fun.

It was very strange though to pick out pumpkins and it was 80 degrees. I still haven't gotten use to CA weather. I keep thinking when I walk outside it's going to be nice and crisp, because it's OCTOBER!! But no, 82 to be exact. Sweating and picking pumpkins was really random and weird.



The petting zoo was pretty fun, miniature donkeys, baby goats and piglets. I think I like miniature animals, makes me feel like a giant.
I loved watching all the families interact with their children and how the children interacted with the animals. This one young boy walked in with a carrot and shoved it in a donkeys face and said here eat this. C'mon eat it. Then he gave up on that donkey and went to another one. He kept doing this for a while, just couldn't get rid of that carrot.



While walking out to the car with 2 pumpkins in hand I watched this older brother (probably 10 or so) say to his younger sister (7 or so) say "C'mon hold my hand we are walking into the parking lot." She didn't think that was so cool and said, "No, let's choo choo." What a great explanation for holding hands, nah just choo choo. As I got to the car I turned around to see if the little girl ever held onto ther brothers hand and she was, her brother stood in front and put his hands behind his back while she held them and said, "CHOO CHOO!"
I love fall.



And this guy!

Dusk

It was 7:20pm on Sunday and the evening air was still warm from the day's heat. As I drove I kept all my windows down and turned up the radio. It was my favorite time of the day, where the sun had almost left the sky completely for the day and the street lights were slowly compensating for the departing sun. Continuing in my new lighting, I slowly turned my vehicle into the parking lot of the movie theater. As I got out of my car, I looked over to see another woman getting out of her SUV at the same time, we both glanced at one another for a brief moment. I continued my walk to the ticket window. Glancing at the board before me, times and movie titles lit in red lettering, grabbed my wallet and said, "One for Love Happens."



One of the main reasons I ventured to the theater to see this chick flick was that it took place in Seattle. Being a native of Washington and feeling homesick was one of my main reasons to see this movie. As I sat in my green cushioned theater seat, I watched the Seattle skyline appear before me. Safeco, Qwest Field, the viaduct busy with cars going northbound. I watched the characters walk around in my city, placing their gum on the gum wall in Post Alley. Walking through Pike Place at night, something I miss doing, and of course the rain.



As closing credits rolled through and the lights came up, I felt I had visited home for 1 hour and 49 minutes. Walking to my car I saw the same lady as I had arrived, we both looked at one another. It was a look of contentment.

During the drive "home" I ran through some of the scenes in my head. My sense of community had grown, meaning I missed my family, friends, church, the arts, the music and of course the amazing donuts at Pike Place so much.



As I continue my journey in California I can't help, but feel my strong roots in Washington leading me back one day. Hopefully soon.

Heartbeat

I absolutely love music and I am so appreciative of people you are musicians and can write songs. Lyrics, music, harmony, and melody this is something I want to learn.

As I was eating my sandwich at a local restaurant I was telling my friend about a new movie coming out with Jack White, The Edge and Jimmy Page. It’s titled “It Might Get Loud.” I told her all about the movie trailer and how awesome the film is going to be. She looked at me and said, “Your husband is so lucky to have you as a wife.” I smiled. She continued, “Most wives would not want to watch a movie like that or even care.” My husband is a musician and I merely a music lover with no music ability. And I am not going to count my 5 years of piano lessons as a child as anything close to musical. I hated practicing and was tired of playing hymns. My poor teacher Mrs. Meyer struggled with me every Friday afternoon. I was more concerned about what we were going to have for dinner after practice than scales, chords and new songs. Maybe if there were musicians that I admired at that age I would have tired harder. But always the things later in life that we realized we shouldn’t have given up on.

My brother a drummer, tired to teach me how to play the drums one time. He said okay you are a tap dancer; now just take those tap moves to a drum kit. It didn’t work out so well. He was completely boggled that I couldn’t keep a rhythm with my hands, but could keep rhythm and timing with my feet. To each their own.